


what do the old people teach us except how to die?

by Gay_as_fuck



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Blood, Canon Compliant, Drabble, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, One Shot, Teen Angst, doomed character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 08:02:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19291624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gay_as_fuck/pseuds/Gay_as_fuck
Summary: Toji and Horaki have a conversation while Shinji is in the hospital. It doesn't go well.





	what do the old people teach us except how to die?

**Author's Note:**

> this is really short but i'm glad that i've been writing again at least. title is from "futile" by say anything

“The Hedgehog’s Dilemma-” the words barely clear Hikari’s mouth before Toji’s fist connects to the wall next to her. She flinches away and blinks heavily a few times before a hard line crosses her lips. 

“What was that?” Her voice is stern, perfect for the teacher she dreams of being. 

“Your voice.” Toji grits out sentence fragments, his fist tight against the wall like someone glued it there. 

“What about it?” The hallway is empty, just the sounds of their conversation and the occasional whir of machinery. NERV med-centers for such high up personnel are almost always empty. The stark white hospital lights drain everything of their color, leaving even the vibrant purple of Toji’s tracksuit washed out. 

“How.” He grunts out and she waits patiently arms crossed over her chest like Misato had done earlier when they had confronted her about Shinji’s whereabouts. She had directed them to the hospital, the very picture of authority. 

“Can you be so calm.” It’s a question, even if it doesn’t sound like it. He screams the last word, breaking through his own measly defenses. 

“Someone has to keep it together.” She doesn’t even try to look him in the eye as she says that. Her gaze is fixed down the hall on a pair of nondescript white doors. 

“Shit!” His voice cracks as he slams his other fist against the wall, a few inches lower than the first. She doesn’t say anything to that, just keeps her eyes as dry as she can. Toji is losing that particular battle, tears streaking down his face far faster than his bloody knuckles drip. 

Someone’s going to have to come to clean that up later, wipe Toji’s blood from the walls and mop his tears off the floor. Her shoes barely even scuff the floor. 

“This isn’t helping anyone.” She accuses him before biting her own lip and looking further away from him. 

“Nothing helps him.” His voice shakes as he replies. They don’t say Shinji’s name, it’s weight already heavy on their tongues. 

“As I was saying-” She makes a neat segway, testing the waters of his anger again. “He faces the Hedgehog’s Dilemma. If you don’t know, it’s based on-”

“I know what it is.” He shouts and rips his hands away from the wall, smudging red. “I’m not an idiot.” Under the pressure of his gaze, she straightens her back and turns to look at him. He grits his teeth and acts like he would be foaming at the mouth if he could. Her teeth are gritted as well, just hidden behind pursed lips. 

“You sure fooled me.” She meets his eyes finally and despite her sharp tongue some of his anger leaves him. 

“You don’t fool anyone.” She raises an eyebrow at that as he lowers his gaze and his fists. They’re still fists, bloody and ready to strike, but they lay at his side now. 

“And what do you mean by that?” She lets out a soft sigh to steady herself as well, too many childish insults already having jumped from her tongue. 

“You’re not the teacher Hikari, and you’re not Misato either. You’re none of those bitches so stop trying to be.” She slaps him like they’re in class again but here there’s no one to tell them to knock it off, no teacher for Toji to protest against. It’s just silence. 

She blinks a few times, eyes darkening from her hand to his face and back again. She lowers it slowly as Toji does nothing to stop her. Tears still spill down his face and his fists still dripping blood. 

“Well. I’ll be going.” Her voice sounds foreign even to her. She takes a step past him, their backs to one another. She’s only three steps away when the sound of his scoff stops her. 

“Don’t you get tired, being angry all the time?” He asks and sounds amused in a way that boils something under her blood. 

“I’m not angry.” Her rebuttal is clipped and clean. 

“You’re more pissed off than me.” He counters, “If anyone’s a hedgehog it’s you.” She fumes and tries her best not to imagine what his face looks like. After years of silence, she steadies herself and puts on her best teacher voice to ask 

“Are we done here?” 

He doesn’t respond for a moment, instead letting out a heavy breath. She waits just a moment longer, to see if he has anything to say that will make her stay. 

“I don’t get it.” She stays and listens. “Why the hell would anyone do that?” He doesn’t raise his voice anymore, just forces the words out. 

“When a hedgehog shows its stomach it dies. Simple as that.” She keeps her head held high though tears spring forth from her eyes. 

“He’s dying anyway.” She opens her mouth to say something back, to argue for Shinji’s future when Toji cuts her off. “You’re dying anyway.” 

There’s nothing she can say to that, no practiced encouragements in what’s left of their world that could make his declaration false. So she walks away and does her best not to wonder how soon her death will be.


End file.
